The Most Thankless Job There Is

Last night I finally climbed into bed after an exceptionally long and exhausting day. 

I was beyond tired, having woken up for the day before 5:00 AM, and thanks partly to the fact that I spent much of the night before comforting a child who had woken up terrified in the midst of a thunder storm, and nursing a baby who loves nothing more than to eat.

You would have thought that I would have fallen fast asleep the moment my head hit the pillow (like my husband does), but instead I just stared at the images on the video monitor, as it scanned back and forth between my children's bedrooms.  I was afraid to fall asleep, because I knew as soon as I did, like clockwork, one of my children would need me.

I have been feeling very needed lately, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it certainly can wear a mother out. There have been days where I have felt stretched beyond what I am capable of, and then some.  The daily routine that has become finding a way to divide my attention between the constant needs of an almost 4 month old, a busy and inquisitive four year old, and a sassy and sometimes dramatic 2 year old, is no doubt taking it's toll.

Yesterday in particular was one of those days where I wanted to lock myself in the bathroom with a bottle of rosé.  It was the third summer day in a row that we were trapped inside due to rain, following a weekend that I had single-parented my way through because my husband had been away. Over the course of these last few days, I had pulled out all the stops to entertain my little crew... movies, coloring, board games, Playdoh, even Happy Meals (gasp!)... you name it, I tried it.  Despite my attempts, the usual tantrums still occurred, the sibling battles ensued anyway, and the baby still wanted to be constantly held... I was feeling defeated.

I'm not the first mother to have three kids (or more for that matter), and I know for a fact that I won't be the last, but when you're outnumbered, you're outnumbered, regardless of by how many.

I spend my days sipping on coffee that has gone cold, wearing yoga pants that are covered in spit up stains, and much of the time my hair is tied up in an uncombed top knot.  Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I don't even recognize the reflection staring back at me.  There are bags under my eyes and the gray hairs that are growing in are too numerous to count.

I spend my nights wishing that I had accomplished more that day, struggling with the inevitable "mom guilt", and thinking that I really should make more time for myself.

Motherhood is one of the most thankless jobs that there is.  Much of the "work" involved often goes unnoticed. It is expected, and not always appreciated...

That is until after listening to you rant about the chaos that has become your life, one of your friends lets you know that her day has gone very similar to yours, and suddenly you realize that you are not alone.

That is until just before bed, when your four year old climbs into your lap, wraps his arms around your neck, and says "you're the best mommy in the whole wide world"!

Suddenly it ALL seems worth it, because you have just gotten all the thanks you need.

xoxo,

Nursing Essentials

August is National Breastfeeding Month, and seeing as I'm currently in the midst of feeding my third little nursling, it seemed to be a fitting time to share some of my nursing essentials. These are the products and items that I have come to love during my nursing "career".

I call it a career, because sometimes nursing honestly feels like a full time job.  My first two children were exclusively breastfed, and if you have been following me for awhile, you might know that neither of them ever took a bottle.  There wasn't a thing we didn't try when it came to attempting to get the two of them to drink pumped breast milk, but it didn't seem to matter, M&E only wanted the boob, and that was the way it was. If you want to do the math, I have either been pregnant or nursing for almost 5 years now... and when you have babies who refuse bottles, the equation works out to a mama who doesn't often get away... or at all for that matter.

Thank the good Lord, as of this moment, Theo is taking the occasional bottle, and I am desperately hoping the streak continues.  The comotomo is his bottle of choice, and you better believe I'm buying stock in them, since this is the ONLY bottle any of our kids has ever drank from. We have tried to make it a routine to offer him a bottle every other, to every 3 days, to keep him in the habit, but in the meantime he breastfeeds like a champ, and the following are the "essential" items that I use to keep up with feeding a baby who just LOVES to eat...

cover me ponchos nursing cover- Even after nursing three babies, I still don't feel comfortable doing so without a cover.  These ones are my favorite because their functional, fashionable, and they double as a car seat cover.

water bottle- If you nurse, you want to have a good milk supply, and in order to have a good milk supply you need to stay hydrated.  I don't go anywhere without a water bottle these days.

oat mama bars- Not only are these absolutely delicious, but they're full of ingredients to increase supply. The chocolate almond coconut are my favorite.

nursElet nursing bracelet- One of the most brilliant inventions I've seen, this bracelet can be used to hold your shirt out of the way while you're nursing, and it can be worn on your wrist to keep track of what you side you fed your baby off of last.

nursing/teething jewelry- Babies love to have something to play with/hang on to while nursing, so it helps when you can wear jewelry that is both stylish and safe for them to chew and tug on at the same time.  A few of our favorite shops are Mama and Little and Wright Design Co.

milk storage bags- If your baby takes a bottle, and or you must return to work, you will need to have a milk stash.  These are the bags I use to pump and store milk in.

bralettes- Comfort comes first these days, so I'm all for these pretty bralettes that just so happen to be easy to nurse in as well (I just pull them to the side at feeding time).  If you are large busted, I can't say for certain how these will work for you, but I wear a C or a D while nursing, and still find them to be supportive and comfortable.

nipple balm- This organic nipple balm is my favorite (as is the rest of this line of products), particularly in those first days of nursing when feedings can be a bit painful.

breast pump- This is the breast pump I have had since day one, and to this day, I don't have a single complaint about it.

undercover mama tanks- (not pictured) These are a new discovery for me, and I'm hooked (no pun intended). These tanks hook onto the straps of a nursing or regular bra and make nursing a whole lot easier.  They come in a bunch of colors and they are super comfortable.

Happy National Breastfeeding Month!

xoxo,

*** This post contains affilate links, as always your support of this blog is much appreciated.

Summer Styles for Nursing Moms

Beauty Faves For the Busy Mom

Busy is pretty much my middle name lately.  This blog post was literally written while one child slept attached to me (thanks to this incredible baby wrap), another napped in her bed, and my oldest asked me for a snack no less than 50 times.

Most days, I barely manage to get myself together, but in an effort to not come off as the hot mess that I am in public, there are a few products that are my go-to's when it comes to helping me look half human, with minimal effort.  They're all pretty budget friendly and can be found at most drug stores (or Target, which is pretty much the only place I shop lately besides online shopping).

Age Rewind Concealer-  This stuff is truly a lifesaver.  I haven't been getting much sleep since Theo arrived, and this concealer hides the dark circles under my eyes so well.  I love how easy it is to apply, and the way it feels.

Batiste Dry Shampoo-  Dry shampoo rules my world these days.  I love this dark version for my dark brown hair, but honestly, this whole line is awesome.  Bonus: If you're looking to add some volume to flat lockes, dry shampoo is great for that!

Garnier Micellar Water-  I learned about micellar water a few months ago, thanks to a fellow blogger, and I can't rave about it enough.  I love how easily and quickly it removes eye make up.

Jergens Natural Glow Firming Lotion-  This stuff helps make my skin not look so Casper-ish, but never looks orange... the fact that it also helps to firm makes my mom-bod happy too.

Maybelline Baby Lips- I own this stuff in pretty much every color.  It is in my diaper bag and my car, on my nightstand, and probably in many of my coat pockets too.  I love that it feels like a chapstick, but gives a subtle pop of color.

Maybelline Nudes Palette- This eye shadow palette has every color you need for day to day wear or the occasional night out.  I wear the lighter shades when I'm just hanging out at home with the kids and play around with the darker shades whenever we go out anywhere!

xoxo,

Taking Care of Mom

So, I went and got my hair cut the other day... for the first time since May.

For those of you who are trying to do the math, it is mid February...  That's right, nine months ago I made an appointment for myself and got a little trim.  As someone who used to make a living as a hair stylist, I can assure you that nine months, without a trip to the salon, will generally earn you some pretty fabulous split ends.

The ironic thing is that the only reason I managed to sneak away for that hair cut last spring, is because I had a gift card that was burning a hole in my pocket, and we were about to move out of state, so the frame of time in which I had in which to use it was quickly running out.  The gift card was a birthday gift from my husband and kids for a full day at the spa, and my birthday was in July, 10 months prior.

I never did use the gift as it was intended... all at once, for a full day of rest and relaxation, a reward for all of my hard work at home. Rather, I broke it up into smaller increments, sneaking away for an hour here, a half hour there, all the while feeling guilty for spoiling myself and leaving my children at home, with their more than capable father.

So, as I sat there in the salon the other day, melting into the chair and staring at my exhausted reflection in the mirror, while my stylist worked her magic on my mane, I couldn't help but think, when did I forget to take care of me?

I am currently 32 weeks pregnant with baby number three.  I have a 3 year old and a one year old, and I manage our household on a day to day basis, by doing all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, appointment juggling, finance handling, kid wrangling, etc.

When my husband needs a haircut, once a month, he goes... heck, I even make the appointment for him.  He doesn't ask me if he can, he just says, "I'm going to get a haircut."  When my son needs a cut, I take him.  I always make sure everyone else in our family is well taken care of.

It appears that I have only let that "care" slide when it comes to me... The thing of it is though, I have no one to blame for my lack of self care, but myself.

My husband often encourages me to go get a pedicure, to slip out for a massage.  Heck, he even purchased me another gift card for a mineral bath at a local spa as a Christmas gift this year.  He has asked me no less than once a week since then, when I am going to make my appointment, and yet here we are, it has been almost 2 months since Christmas, and I am due to give birth to our third child in approximately 8 weeks, and still no relaxing bath at the spa for mama.

Lately, my back is killing me, and I am incredibly uncomfortable.  I feel huge, and unkept, and well, if I'm being honest, I don't exactly feel my best... and yet I can't pry myself away from my children and our home for a little over an hour, every once in awhile, to go indulge myself in a little time for me.

I'm not entirely sure when a 10 minute shower, or a trip to the grocery store alone, become my version of a day at the spa, but somewhere along this path to motherhood, I undoubtedly lost my well-manicured way.

At the end of my appointment the other morning, I felt amazing.  My hair was bouncy and shiny, and styled the way I liked it, and that in itself was enough to leave me feeling oh so good.

Lately I have felt anything but good.  I have felt frumpy and washed up... but after this trip to the salon, it dawned on me.  When I shed the yoga pants and let down my "mom bun", and I actually put in a little bit of effort, I really and truly feel so much better about myself...  My mood improves ten fold... and when I feel good, I am in a much better place to care for my family.

More than all of that, what kind of an example am I setting for my children if I'm not showing them that I take care of myself while also taking care of them?

So, from this moment forward, I am going to make a valid effort to better take care of me. My husband and children will no doubt, still come first, and I don't think I'll be heading to the spa for a day's worth of treatments any time soon. I also highly doubt I'll be shedding my yoga pants quite yet... but perhaps I will make that appointment for my mineral bath, maybe even attempt to blow dry my hair and style it a little more often.

Baby steps to start I suppose, but as mothers, we work so hard, I think we deserve a little pampering from time to time.

Survival Parenting

I love my kids.  I really and truly love them more than anything in the whole world... but sometimes they legitimately make me feel like a crazy person.

Being a stay at home mom is a job I have always dreamed of having.  I am incredibly thankful to my husband for working so hard to fulfill that wish for me, but the truth is, it isn't always easy.

This past weekend, I was on my own with the kids for a few days, which in actuality wasn't all that different from how we usually roll, but for a full 3 days, there were ZERO breaks... I couldn't pee alone, shower alone, or even sit down and enjoy a warm meal in its entirety... not that any of us get to enjoy these luxuries often as moms, but when you feel like you are gasping for air, sometimes even 5 minutes of peace and quiet, behind a closed door can feel like a day-long trip to the spa.

Max is now at the age where talking back has become his area of expertise. "No I don't have to", has become a common response when he is asked to do something.

Ella has suddenly become a stage 5 clinger... as in she holds on to the bottoms of my legs with a death grip and yells "mommy, mommy, mommy" on repeat.

Lately, running errands has become a dreaded past time.  A simple trip to the grocery store requires so much more effort than I have the energy for.  Car seats, coats, socks and shoes have become the bane of my existence.  Add to all of that, a case of the "I wants" that carries on throughout the shopping trip, accompanied by hair pulling and personal space invading, and I have found myself gritting my teeth and mumbling "Lord, give me strength" under my breath, more often than I should probably admit.

This post isn't meant to be an all out vent session, but I suppose in some senses it is.

I try so very hard to be a good mom, but there have been days recently where I feel like I am coming up short.

I catch myself having very little patience, and often,  I feel on the verge of snapping, and the guilt that I feel when my kids push me to that point, keeps me up at night on occasion.

Sometimes I feel terrible for the way that I react to my children's actions, even though in the moment, it seems totally appropriate.  Seeing them cry when they push to the point that discipline is required, is something that tears me apart inside... but the truth of the matter is, I know deep down, that in the long run M&E will only benefit from structure and discipline, that these boundaries are something that they need in order to thrive.

So even though Max might think that I am a mean mommy for making him eat a real dinner, rather than the granola bar that he'd prefer, or if Ella cries when I have to detach her from my legs and redirect her attention elsewhere so that I can accomplish a simple task, it doesn't necessarily make me mean, it means that I am doing my job.

If on occasion, I have to leave the room, shut the door, and count to ten, or, if on certain days, I feel the need to skip a trip to the store because it's just too hard to manage, than perhaps that is what I need to do.

I'm making it a point to be more forgiving with myself from this point on, and accepting of the fact that I just can't do it all.   I shouldn't feel inadequate, there are just going to be those days that are a struggle, and then there will be days that seem to breeze by with out so much as a hiccup, but I think that this is how parenting is supposed to be... I'm not sure, but I think.

I'm also making it a point to not compare myself to other mothers, who seem to have it all together, because let's be honest, it's unlikely that any of us do... and not to compare my children with other kids, who might seem so much better behaved than mine in certain moments, because no child is perfect.

I had to laugh the other day, when while dropping Max off at school, a couple of moms standing near by, overheard me asking "are you sure you don't need to go potty again before class?" "you'll tell the teachers if you have to go, right?" "make sure you share with your friends today, and use your words, don't just take things."... The other moms smiled, and one asked, "isn't it so funny how we all have the same conversations with our three year old before school?" The simple sentiment of her asking that question, reassured me that I'm not alone in the way I feel sometimes, that I'm not alone in constantly worrying that I'm parenting my kids the right way.  It appears that all of us, as mothers have moments where we feel inadequate. That we all question if we're teaching our children right from wrong.

The silver lining is, that we also get to experience those moments when we feel proud.  When our children do something great that validates our worth as parents and makes us feel good about the choices that we make for them.  Some days we might feel like mean or bad mommies, but in the eyes of our children, I doubt that's truly the case (at least until they are teenagers).  We're all striving to do the best we can, and the struggle is real.

So... like I said, this post wasn't meant to be entirely about my venting and getting all of this off of my chest, it was also meant to make any of you, who might feel like I do sometimes, aware, that you are not alone in these thoughts.  We're all in this together, just trying to stay afloat.  Deep breaths.   if today is a tough one, tomorrow is a fresh start.